When my time comes

Death is never easy. I guess it's not meant to be. But I notice repeatedly something that I beg and plead- Don't let that happen to me--
I lost two aunts to cancer. I don't like and will never enjoy that. But my heart constricts and screams at being doped up on morphine at the time of death.

I feel so weird about that. I don't know why, but I feel more like it's an overdose on morphine that does the killing. Which logically I know that's wrong- or at least supposed to be wrong in my way of thinking. (Hope that wasn't confusing) So rewording. Logically I know it's the cancer not the morphine that kills people under care. Better? hope so.

Doesn't help me any. No matter what logic tells me. If I'm ever in that shape please somebody, don't let anyone give me morphine. I want to cry just thinking about it.

Well That's my rant/ fear/ wacko thoughts for the day.
Take care and be healthy.

Jewels Of Atlantis by Gena Showalter

All Atlantis seeks the Jewel of Dunamis, which legend claims can overcome any enemy. Grayson James, human agent of the ultra-secret Otherworld Bureau of Investigation has orders to keep it from the wrong hands -- or destroy it. What he doesn't know is that Jewel is a woman, not a stone! But once he meets this precious gem, destroying her is the last thing on his mind....

Jewel, part goddess, part prophet, is a pawn in Atlantis's constant power struggles. She needs Gray's help to win freedom and uncover the secrets of her mysterious origins. Gray needs her wisdom to navigate monster-ridden Atlantis. But need blossoms into passionate love as they fight demons, dragons, vampires -- and a prophecy that says the bond between them could destroy them both.

If you haven't ordered this yet, all I can say is...why not?

I hate January

Plain and simple I hate January.
This month sucks. I am so depressed. I can't get any cooperation out of DH. Kiss my ass. Trouble maker that he is.
I can't finish my entry for Amber Quill Press for arguing with him. I had my heart set on it and anything I set my heart on he seems determined to ruin. This is not the first time. He's classic for ruining things for me. I shouldn't have told him I was trying to enter I suppose. I'd have been better off.

It's January, the full moon is tonight. My kids go crazy when the moon is full and today is no exception with DH and I at each other's throats. I want to scream, but it would do me no good.
So we were talking about going to the RWA Conference and it gets worse. Plus the hotel says it's full so I can't get a room (everyone would be coming with me but do their own thing while I did the conference stuff).
I guess I can forget the whole thing before I get to hopeful at going. I might can swing a day down there and just socialize. We'll have ot just wait and see.