Used Tea Bags

I'm afraid that's what I feel like today. Convientent since my son busted a bag I'd left out for a minute before throwing away. Made a mess of course. Which he's done all day. One mess after another. I'm so not a happy camper today.
I'm sad, depressed and been close to tears all day. I have a monster tooth ache. I've not been to a dentist in years. They terrify me. Completely. I dread going, but I will eventually have to give in and go. Much to my chargin.

I'm not ready for Christmas . I never am anymore. I thought the years would be easier since my dad's passing, but really they just get worse. I used to be so tough. I could handle anything. I could take on the world and always be on top. Not today. Today I'm a pathetic bleeding heart. My heart bleeds for all the things I could have been and I'm not. I bleed for all the happiness I used to feel and don't. Where is my armor? Where is my strong will and independent ways that saw me through my hard times? I'm getting old and soft. I've lost my edge.

Gee it's only my birthday. How will I get through Christmas and mostly January? I dread January more than words can say.

Happy Birthday to me.

edited to add:
It's no wonder I love to write. I seem to be able to purge my sorrow in writing and move on to more enjoyable things. I already feel better just getting all that written and out of my system. Which leaves me seriously considering deleting the whole post, but I figure somehow I'll cheat someone or myself if I do. I haven't a clue. So indeceiciveness (sp?) leaves it up -- at least for now. :P